No, NO, 1000 times NO!!!

This week, the word NO has been making its way into my conciousness in so many places.  

Can you say NO??? For so many years, I couldn't. I was wracked with guilt that someone might not like me or I would look lazy or uncommitted.  Like so many women, my worthiness was tied to my busy-ness and what a mistake that was! In seeking to do more and prove something, I actually did less and did it less well. And boy, did I have a self-righteous chip on my shoulder.  So much unnecessary drama, so much unnecessary hurt and bitterness and anger. I got so tired of walking around that way.  Whether you love her or hate her, Oprah Winfrey contributed greatly to my journey of person/self-hood.  Her introduction to Sarah Ban Breathnach's Simple Abundance changed my life, my perspective and my attitude. 

We never know what's going to happen to us from moment to moment, so constantly counting your blessings, stopping to breathe and reframe your response, and learning to say NO are three of the most important skills I learned to use to become a calmer, happier person.  It's not OK to constantly feel guilty, resentful and bitter. It hurts your health, it hurts your relationships, it hurts your bottom line. When I started saying no, it gave others a chance to say yes - then the work got spread around, other ideas (better than mine) were allowed in and projects/family/life got less difficult and more enjoyable. 

NO is a blessing - it is about setting healthy boundaries, taking care of yourself and giving others the opportunity to contribute. Let them give their gifts too, you'll have more satisfying, deeper relationships and perspectives as a result.

If you don't enjoy your life right now, look at your commitments. Cut them in half. Watch your life unfold into everything you want it to be. It is not your responsibility to keep your Messiah Complex going. It IS your responsibility to forgive yourself, take care of yourself and watch the opportunities you receive bloom into the ones you want to grow.  

We always have choices - see the PRACTICES page for information about choice points and how they impact the everyday. Remember, in an infinite universe, there is room for everyone - competition is an unnecessary component in a healthy life. Let go and say NO!!

Let it go...

If there's one thing Disney's Frozen© has done, it's to add "Let it go..." to the lexicon of mainstream America.  This is a good thing, because frankly, we are all way too uptight.  Our life journeys lead us to realize NOTHING MATTERS, but that's usually in our second half of life (Richard Rohr, Center for Action and Contemplation).  Please don't spend your young adulthood living in perfection world. I spent a lot of time there and it made me miserable, it made everything a dramatic crisis and it made the people around me walk on eggshells.  My poor husband and kids...

In 2003, I was diagnosed with uterine cancer. This was my "hand of God" moment. If I had been one day earlier or later with the doctor's appointment that found it, they wouldn't have found it so early and I might not be here today. One of my mom's friend's daughters was the same age as I was and was diagnosed with the same thing at the same time. She's been gone for 10 years, I celebrated my 11 year survival in September.  It was then that I realized that all the stuff I was watching on Oprah was correct. We needed to be grateful (Sarah Ban Breathnach - Simple Abundance), we needed to be mindful (Joh Kabat-Zinn - Wherever You Go, There You Are) and we needed to count our blessings with every breath.  

If you haven't gotten to this point in your life yet, if you're still angry, resentful and feeling victimized, let me tell you, you're only hurting yourself by carrying that stuff around.  I carried mine around as extra weight. I was just always so MAD. Then, I learned I wasn't mad at all, I was hurt and it expressed itself as anger because I felt the hurt so deeply.  One of Oprah's shows was about forgiveness - I believe it was Iyanla Vanzant - but the message was that forgiveness opens the door to a peaceful, joyful life.  I really think carrying around all that toxic goop is what caused my cancer.  Today, while I still have to PRACTICE mindfulness, those who know me now would never recognize the person of a dozen years ago. I'd say that's PROGRESS.

So, here's a quick activity for you: Breathe in - really deeply, all the way to your toes.  Now, blow it out and state out loud "I forgive myself, I forgive everyone I've ever perceived as hurting me, and I am going to LET IT GO instead of carrying it around - all of it". Great, don't you feel better?? Don't forget to check out the "practices" page for some quick and helpful PRACTICEs as you PROGRESS. Pax

Welcome -

I invite you to think about your life at this moment in time. Are you happy with where you are RIGHT NOW at this moment? Are there things you would change? Things you would keep? Things you'd like to add? 

I've been there too. I'd like to share my journey and offer some ideas of the small changes I used to make me happier, healthier and joyful.  Let me first introduce you to P3 - Present (prez-ent), Practice, Progress. This is my 3 step model for simply changing the things you want to change to improve your life in every area.  I first used the P3 model in my adult basic education classroom, but then it was "Present (pree-zent), Practice, Process" - a way of teaching that allowed students to see a model, practice it, then talk about what they had just learned and decide if it was something they wanted to continue.  My new model as applied here is for tracking the small changes and reflecting on them and how you will add them to your day.

So, right now, take a deep (belly) breath. Connect with yourself in this moment - are you sitting at your computer, reading on your phone or tablet? Connect with yourself where you are right now, in this PRESENT moment.  This takes PRACTICE, but all the masters tell us that connecting to the breath and bringing yourself back to your breath is what it takes to be mindful, calm and centered. At the end of the day, look at your PROGRESS - can you think of one thing you did today to work toward your goals of being healthier and happier? That's progress, celebrate it. That's P3 - Present, Practice, Progress in a nutshell. It's a new way of being patient with yourself, beginning the small changes, getting unstuck and moving forward each day.  It's nothing new, there are a million other blogs and people who will tell you about similar practices, but mine is based on my personal journey that I want to share with you.  Good luck and please use the resources and links that have helped me.

Peace & blessings,
Have Meditation, Will Travel