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I have believed for a long time that the reason I was so stuck in perfectionism for so many years was because I didn't understand the nature of change. I wanted things to be ordered, perfect and the way they were "supposed" to be. It took years of frustration, fighting and finally, infertility to get it through my head that nothing is constant and Jon Kabat-Zin's "You can't fight the waves, but you can learn to surf" was the mantra I needed to start to understand the grip stress had on my life.
Flash forward a couple of decades and people who know me now are astonished when I share stories of the perfectionism, control issues and anger I have left behind. I finally know that there is perfection in imperfection and that being grateful for things as they are without trying to change them allows them to bloom and grow forever (like eidelweiss). :)
SO, here we are, on May 20, 2015. Both of my kids are home from college, my son has finished his Master's at Purdue and has a job waiting for him in the Big Apple in a month. Last night, he proposed to his girlfriend of 7 years and we are all pretty blissed out today. Welcome to our family, dear one!
My daughter finished her freshman year 1000 miles away and drove herself and her roomate home over the weekend. Talk about synchronicity - we have always taken our car in for a trip check, oil change, etc. before we travel. She took that life lesson ingrained from infancy and took her truck in for a check. It turned out that the u-joints and drive train needed to be replaced - they would not have made it home without a major accident. TYJ! THEN, she had to wait a day for the part they ordered to come in. Guess what? They ordered the wrong part and the right one was going to come in the next (next) day. So they had to delay their departure by a day. A minor inconvenience, they were able to work out an extra night stay at the dorm and had a friend help them get their stuff to the storage unit that they now couldn't get to with the truck "sick". All good, right? WELL, thank the Lord, Universe, Force, Guardian Angels - whichever names you associate with our benevolent, merciful Creator - the day they were supposed to leave (Friday) ended up being a horrible weather day - tornadoes, violent thunderstorms, flooding - just awful. They would have had to drive through that and who knows what they would have encountered. They came home Sat/Sun instead, didn't have a drop of rain and made it home in good time. What looked like a major inconvenience ended up being a blessing of protection and safety.
So for me, viewing these changes with a grateful heart and a calmer mind was another gift to see how far I've come in my journey. I stayed Present, Practiced detachment and breathing, and noted my Progress with gratitude for how far I've come. Baby steps have actually brought me a long way - I now view transitions as the part of life that keeps things interesting and allow them to draw me into mindful reflection of my many blessings.
Practice for today:
Take a moment to look out the window, ground yourself in the PRESENT moment. PRACTICE slowing down your breathing - Andrew Weil's In 4 - hold 7 - out 8 - (4 times) is always wonderful for calming and grounding. Notice the PROGRESS you are making learning to stop, breathe, think. I have attached a great stoplight graphic that I use in my classes as a reminder that your P3 is always up to you to use whenever you need it.
Well, today is May's Full Moon and what a gorgeous sight it is going to be - based on last night's view at any rate! Hoping Mike Kaplan's forecast for showers is off base, though he usually isn't. Don't forget to put your crystals in a place they can catch any moonbeams for cleansing and recharging! Do it mindfully and in the Present so you can let them know you appreciate them.
I have a new Practice for this month. I'm going to take Liz Gilbert's idea of a happiness jar and modify it for myself. Each day, I'm going to write one wonderful blessing, healing prayer or acknowledgement of abundance on a sheet of paper and keep it in a jar - you will note that none of these will be regarding diet, exercise or body image!! Then, on the Full Moon in June, also near my birthday, I will read each one, thank Spirit for my blessings and abundance and burn them with incense as an offering of gratitude and presence. I can't dwell on them if they are offered up, I have to keep going and so I'll start again for the next moon cycle. As an endometrial cancer survivor, I was launched surgically into the Crone phase of my life, so I have to use external rituals for connecting with the feminine divine.
I am inviting my goddess circle to do the same and bring their jars with them on June 2nd (next Full Moon) and so it should be quite a fire :)
The importance of ritual and transition and coming of ages is an important way to mark the milestones in our lives. My son is graduating and moving to start his new life as an adult. He and his girlfriend will be getting engaged soon after graduation, then he moves off to the big city to begin his life as an independent, happy, compassionate person - all I've ever wanted for him, so I will miss him like crazy, but know this is why we kiss the boo-boos, do the scout service projects and give them a safe, loving upbringing, so they can go out and do the same. I'm confident his guardian angels and spirits will guide and protect him always.
At an Akashic Record's group reading yesterday, I was told to create something that will help the students' I work with become more aware of their own ability to create, thrive and connect with others. I am taking a Shamanic Journeying class that is designed to bring ceremony and celebration to communities and healing wherever it is needed around the globe. Once again, the threads of many things are coming together to weave my next step in the journey. None of it would be possible with out the acknowledgement of nature, ritual, transition and connection, so that is my Progress for this month - to practice rituals of my own making and share them with others.
Create your own rituals and may you be filled with peace, light and blessings always. Pax.
If there's one thing Disney's Frozen© has done, it's to add "Let it go..." to the lexicon of mainstream America. This is a good thing, because frankly, we are all way too uptight. Our life journeys lead us to realize NOTHING MATTERS, but that's usually in our second half of life (Richard Rohr, Center for Action and Contemplation). Please don't spend your young adulthood living in perfection world. I spent a lot of time there and it made me miserable, it made everything a dramatic crisis and it made the people around me walk on eggshells. My poor husband and kids...
In 2003, I was diagnosed with uterine cancer. This was my "hand of God" moment. If I had been one day earlier or later with the doctor's appointment that found it, they wouldn't have found it so early and I might not be here today. One of my mom's friend's daughters was the same age as I was and was diagnosed with the same thing at the same time. She's been gone for 10 years, I celebrated my 11 year survival in September. It was then that I realized that all the stuff I was watching on Oprah was correct. We needed to be grateful (Sarah Ban Breathnach - Simple Abundance), we needed to be mindful (Joh Kabat-Zinn - Wherever You Go, There You Are) and we needed to count our blessings with every breath.
If you haven't gotten to this point in your life yet, if you're still angry, resentful and feeling victimized, let me tell you, you're only hurting yourself by carrying that stuff around. I carried mine around as extra weight. I was just always so MAD. Then, I learned I wasn't mad at all, I was hurt and it expressed itself as anger because I felt the hurt so deeply. One of Oprah's shows was about forgiveness - I believe it was Iyanla Vanzant - but the message was that forgiveness opens the door to a peaceful, joyful life. I really think carrying around all that toxic goop is what caused my cancer. Today, while I still have to PRACTICE mindfulness, those who know me now would never recognize the person of a dozen years ago. I'd say that's PROGRESS.
So, here's a quick activity for you: Breathe in - really deeply, all the way to your toes. Now, blow it out and state out loud "I forgive myself, I forgive everyone I've ever perceived as hurting me, and I am going to LET IT GO instead of carrying it around - all of it". Great, don't you feel better?? Don't forget to check out the "practices" page for some quick and helpful PRACTICEs as you PROGRESS. Pax
I invite you to think about your life at this moment in time. Are you happy with where you are RIGHT NOW at this moment? Are there things you would change? Things you would keep? Things you'd like to add?
I've been there too. I'd like to share my journey and offer some ideas of the small changes I used to make me happier, healthier and joyful. Let me first introduce you to P3 - Present (prez-ent), Practice, Progress. This is my 3 step model for simply changing the things you want to change to improve your life in every area. I first used the P3 model in my adult basic education classroom, but then it was "Present (pree-zent), Practice, Process" - a way of teaching that allowed students to see a model, practice it, then talk about what they had just learned and decide if it was something they wanted to continue. My new model as applied here is for tracking the small changes and reflecting on them and how you will add them to your day.
So, right now, take a deep (belly) breath. Connect with yourself in this moment - are you sitting at your computer, reading on your phone or tablet? Connect with yourself where you are right now, in this PRESENT moment. This takes PRACTICE, but all the masters tell us that connecting to the breath and bringing yourself back to your breath is what it takes to be mindful, calm and centered. At the end of the day, look at your PROGRESS - can you think of one thing you did today to work toward your goals of being healthier and happier? That's progress, celebrate it. That's P3 - Present, Practice, Progress in a nutshell. It's a new way of being patient with yourself, beginning the small changes, getting unstuck and moving forward each day. It's nothing new, there are a million other blogs and people who will tell you about similar practices, but mine is based on my personal journey that I want to share with you. Good luck and please use the resources and links that have helped me.
Peace & blessings,
Have Meditation, Will Travel
