Sometimes, there is NOT a reason...

I sit in grief as I write this. A close cousin in my family has passed away, suddenly and tragically, leaving behind a husband and 2 young sons.  What has caused me to reflect on this post is the number of people who say "Everything happens for a reason..."  

Well, no. It does not. Sometimes, things just happen. There is no rhyme or cosmic reason or lesson from God or pre-destined journey of the soul. Sometimes, a blood vessel bursts in your brain with no warning and you're gone, leaving people in shock and wondering WHY???? We won't ever know why because there is no why, there is only that it happened and we hurt.

Having lost a beloved brother several years ago, I actually can empathize with my cousin's siblings (also cousins, of course) and my mom can help her brother and sister-in-law navigate the haze of seemingly unending grief of losing a child. But trying to find an explanation for an unexplainable event only causes more pain because the fact there is no answer seems like a yawning chasm of hopelessness for the foreseeable future.  I weep for my cousin, her husband and kids, my aunt, uncle and cousins who are bereft of her amazing self. I pray they will receive comfort and be allowed to grieve their loss instead of dealing with people who are uncomfortable with tragic events and can only offer platitudes in place of genuine help.

Death happens, sometimes happily at the end of a long life well-lived, and sometimes tragically, for no reason at all. We are not good at death in this era. It has been sanitized and pushed under the rug so that we aren't sure how to process it when it touches our immediate circle. We could learn a lot from the cultures that understand that death is here to stay, so we should deal with the loss of our loved ones in an open and respectful way, not try to shut down the grieving family by telling them there is a reason for everything. Trust me, it's the least comforting thing you can say...

Life also continues as today we celebrate my eldest's birthday (24), and the joyful news of several friends expecting babies and the latest report that our strategies for success at work are actually working. So, in light of devastating grief, I can still be grateful for 3 things, and that will help frame the loss at a time when I can't begin to understand it.

Today, I am grateful because.... IT"S OVER 32°!!!

Today (and yesterday) the temps here in the frigid Midwest finally made it above 32°.  It feels like flying, like being let out of jail, passing go and collecting $200!!  In October, 45° felt like a sub-Arctic experience. Today, it feels like shorts & flip-flops ;)  

Which goes to show, perspective is a beautiful thing when we are mindful of it.  Today, I am grateful for 45°,  October - not so much!  This is why gratitude is such a grounding, mindful practice. Shifting your frame of reference even just a micro-degree can give you a whole new way of looking at a thought, situation or feeling.  I'm not an advocate for a Pollyanna worldview. I am, however, an advocate for finding the lesson in the inevitable negativity that plagues us in a fear-based media and political system.  We can overcome them - by mindfully asking ourselves to get in touch with what's really going on, examining it and then releasing it.  Since things only last for a fleeting moment, having the perspective that things are temporary (if not illusory) can keep you centered, grounded and present.

SO, for today's PRACTICE, I ask you to look outside the closest window (even if you have to get up to go find one), look at the first thing you see and express gratitude and thanks toward it. (GRATITUDE is a feeling you have, THANKS is expressing that gratitude to yourself, the people and things in your life or your view of the moment. So, for all my beloved grammar geeks, gratitude is a noun & thanks is a verb).  Breathe in as you scan the landscape seeing all the amazing things we sometimes don't pay attention to - one leaf still clinging to the maple tree, a patch of grass peeking through the snow, a robin - OMGosh, A ROBIN!!! If you live in the Midwest or the Northeast, I have a feeling being grateful for the springtime will take on new dimensions this year - and for that we can be grateful for a long, cold, snowy winter! That's PROGRESS people & it's happening NOW.