I sit in grief as I write this. A close cousin in my family has passed away, suddenly and tragically, leaving behind a husband and 2 young sons. What has caused me to reflect on this post is the number of people who say "Everything happens for a reason..."
Well, no. It does not. Sometimes, things just happen. There is no rhyme or cosmic reason or lesson from God or pre-destined journey of the soul. Sometimes, a blood vessel bursts in your brain with no warning and you're gone, leaving people in shock and wondering WHY???? We won't ever know why because there is no why, there is only that it happened and we hurt.
Having lost a beloved brother several years ago, I actually can empathize with my cousin's siblings (also cousins, of course) and my mom can help her brother and sister-in-law navigate the haze of seemingly unending grief of losing a child. But trying to find an explanation for an unexplainable event only causes more pain because the fact there is no answer seems like a yawning chasm of hopelessness for the foreseeable future. I weep for my cousin, her husband and kids, my aunt, uncle and cousins who are bereft of her amazing self. I pray they will receive comfort and be allowed to grieve their loss instead of dealing with people who are uncomfortable with tragic events and can only offer platitudes in place of genuine help.
Death happens, sometimes happily at the end of a long life well-lived, and sometimes tragically, for no reason at all. We are not good at death in this era. It has been sanitized and pushed under the rug so that we aren't sure how to process it when it touches our immediate circle. We could learn a lot from the cultures that understand that death is here to stay, so we should deal with the loss of our loved ones in an open and respectful way, not try to shut down the grieving family by telling them there is a reason for everything. Trust me, it's the least comforting thing you can say...
Life also continues as today we celebrate my eldest's birthday (24), and the joyful news of several friends expecting babies and the latest report that our strategies for success at work are actually working. So, in light of devastating grief, I can still be grateful for 3 things, and that will help frame the loss at a time when I can't begin to understand it.
