Continuing the long strange trip...

Well, I'm almost at the 6 month mark for my switchover to a ketogenic/LCHF way of life.  It's getting easier in some ways, a struggle in others, but it's working. Since my last update, my short acting insulin before eating has been cut from the December level of 20+ units before each meal to possibly 3-6 units before a meal, sometimes none depending on my sugar level.  I am also starting to cut my basal insulin -something I thought would never happen- from 140 units a day to 114 units at the moment.  It simply amazes me that I am JUST NOT HUNGRY anymore. I am calm, focused and content. I never knew what it was like to feel like this, it's a weird experience!  I've even had to take up new hobbies... more later.  Finally, my blood pressure (with reduced meds) is running about 118/72 on average.  If I accidentally skip my evening meds - it happens - it's around 123/82.  All in all, things are still heading in the right direction.  The weight is S-L-O-W-L-Y turning downward too, but not as fast as say, Butter Bob Briggs did, but then, he's a guy.

Since my last, long ago post, a new book has come out that I must recommend. If you have ever struggled to a) control your blood sugar or b) lose weight or c) understand that IT"S NOT YOU, IT"S YOUR BODY, you must read "The Obesity Code" by Dr. Jason Fung .   It explains everything, finally. Dr. Fung is a brave man in my book, because he is publicly lambasting the medical establishment for not taking care of patients in the best way possible - helping them understand their issues and helping them learn how to manage them. If you're an infogeek like I am, spend your next rainy day perusing his website: www.intensivedietarymanagement.com  it's brilliant.

I have also started a group on Facebook called Keto Sweeties (T2 diabetes LCHF tips, tricks & support).  I want to provide encouragement and information (but not recipes -enough places for those! see below) for others beginning their keto diabetic journey.  It's having a slow start, but it's getting there.  I want T2 diabetics to understand that we can improve our health metrics, it's not a losing disease, it can be managed.  I focus on passing along information, sharing personal growth points and encouraging a more mindful way of being diabetic.  When you aren't hungry all the time, it's easier to plan and manage your health.  There are enough experts out there (see below) that I don't need to be another one of them, I can just be a guide to help sort things out (from my perspective, of course, so be aware...) Ask to join if you are interested.

Finally, having all this extra energy and creating more time because I'm not tired all the time has given me the chance to grow in a couple of other ways. On vacation in Branson, my husband and I stopped in Cedar Creek dulcimers as I've always loved that kind of music. I'm not brave enough to start with a full size dulcimer, but I did find a little lap harp that I've invested in to play with when I'm feeling stressed. It's a great alternative to stuffing my face!  I've also jumped on board the adult coloring band wagon and find a lot of relaxation in patterns, colors and quiet time.  You'll notice exercise is strangely absent from my "new" hobbies. It's still my biggest struggle, but I am getting in more walking because my wonderful husband ceiling mounted a TV in front of the treadmill, now I can watch my series of walking tours (Rome, England, Singapore) DVD's while I'm putting in the steps, but it's still my least favorite thing to do!

I'm getting more done at work in less time, my house is cleaner and I just want to spread the word that if you've ever felt scattered, fat, tired and overwhelmed, maybe LCHF is something to try for just 8 weeks.  Don't cut your calories though, as your hunger decreases, you'll naturally eat less.  Tuning into your natural hunger, and trusting your body to let you know when it's satisfied happens naturally as you INCREASE YOUR DIETARY FAT, cut carbs and get more sleep.  I wish you success, peace & calm as you practice the progress through your journey too.

Here are the new resources I alluded to above:

http://ketogenicwoman.com/ - one of the first FB groups I joined is from this blogger - SO helpful

http://mariamindbodyhealth.com/  - Maria Emmerich has fabulous cookbooks and many others that are crystal clear and helpful for beginners to lifers.

https://www.facebook.com/Dr.SarahHallberg/
Also, http://fitteru.us/

http://www.ditchthecarbs.com/  - my most "favorit-ist" at the moment.  Amazing recipes, great information and lots of encouragement.

http://www.nutrition-coalition.org/  - if you're an activist type who likes to participate in helping get the word out about science based evidence on nutrition, you'll like this one.

http://www.livinlavidalowcarb.com/ - the doorway to the world of all things Jimmy Moore and another of the best, most encouraging sources of information I've found.

Enjoy! 

Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary

I graduated in 1984 with a Bachelor's in Dietetics. I majored in nutrition because I wanted to know why I was fat.  From the time I was 10, I had a weight problem, an energy problem and OH, I hated to exercise.  Right before I went to college, the first national Dietary Guidelines were issued in 1977 - the ones that Ancel Keys had so much influence over and published without any proof that what they were recommending was true. (See the following: Fat Head by Tom Naughton; Cereal Killers: The Movie, Statin Nation, Dr. Sarah Hallberg)  So began the obesity and Type 2 Diabetes epidemic.  We have been one big f&#$%ng science experiment and it FAILED. 

For the next 3 1/2 decades, I ate less fat, ate whole grains, fruit & veggies & moved more, got frustrated, gave up, felt like a personal failure, tried again: cut fat, cut calories, exercise like a madwoman, get frustrated, quit, etc.  Michele May calls this the Eat-Repent-Repeat cycle.  

There is nothing worse than an obedient little girl trying to be "good" and follow the rules and

    be met with failure,

    blame that it must be my fault,

    I must be "cheating",

    I'm not working out enough

    and finally just giving up. 

I ate whatever I wanted, and was happy for a few years, then became type 2 diabetic (T2). Now, having a degree in Dietetics, I knew more than the average Joe about standard diabetes care protocols.  This was my downfall. I knew better than some doctor who never studied a lick of nutrition, so I took what they told me and thought I was implementing it correctly.  Since high school, I had always been within 5-10 pounds of the same number on the scale.  Then I became T2 and was told to eat 5x/day, 45 - 60 g carb per meal and 2-3 20g carb snacks.  I was diabetic, they said and my body was resistant to insulin, so I was destined to just get sicker and fatter. Then I had to go on insulin.  All this time, my inner rebel insisted I knew better than the doctors trying to help me and I stubbornly didn't hear what a few of the docs tried to say - which was I was INSULIN RESISTANT. That's really what was wrong with me, but I had a mental block the size of Mt. Everest...but I can't go back.

Granted, there has been a lot more research on insulin resistance and optimal treatment for T2 in the past 10 years, but I ran an 8.2-8.7 A1c for far too long.  The more I tried to get serious, the more fat I cut out of my diet, the more whole grains I ate, the more beans, vegetables and fruit I ate and the fatter I got, the more insulin I needed and I experienced utter, complete failure.  In November of 2013, I was desperate. I felt like crap all the time, had no energy and could barely function at work, let alone at home. I didn't participate in my family life, I was too tired.  They grew up and went off to college and I feel like I missed their last years at home. It sucked.  My long-suffering husband was always there for me, he never said a word as I got fatter and fatter, more and more tired (I called it lazy, but I really just couldn't do anything).  On November 20, 2013, I said a prayer of desperation to my angels, guides and patron saints. I begged them to intercede for me and ask God to help me figure out something.  While surfing the net later that night for more updated treatments for T2 - which I assumed meant weight loss - I stumbled up on Michael Mosley's 5:2 Fast Diet. It was intermittent fasting - 2 days a week, you eat 500 calories, the rest of the week, you can eat whatever you want up to your TDEE (total daily energy expenditure - lots of online calculators can help you get this).  My TDEE was over 2200 calories, more than I had tried to eat for years, so I gave it a try and lost 30 pounds in about 6 months.  When I tried to hack my golden goose by going below my TDEE (which changes as you drop weight), it backfired on me.  Finally, people started noticing I was losing and it scared me off the plan. I regained all of it and more - the typical reason that diets fail 95% of the time.  Fast forward to 2015, my youngest had gone off to college and I was working long hours, not sleeping (4-5 hours if I was lucky), eating processed and restaurant food instead of cooking - a recipe for disaster. Even worse, since I "knew" about diabetes, I would adjust my insulin without my doctor's approval/recommendation. I gained and gained and gained. 

In December of 2015, I scared myself - I couldn't go up stairs without panting and getting dizzy, my blood pressure (as measured at home) was 150/110. I emailed (!) my doctor and asked what I should do (duh!!), she had me come in and really listened to me when I told her I just couldn't deal with feeling like this anymore and I was worried about the blood pressure. For the first time in my life, a doctor did NOT say "let me give you another prescription for blood pressure" - I think I was almost maxed out on the THREE I was already taking.  When I had been in during the summer, another doctor in the practice told me I had to cut carbs to 0, that was the only way to get better.  Pfft... said my inner 1984 dietetics graduate, everyone knows you have to have carbs if you're diabetic, so I ignored her (gained another 15# by December too).  I don't know what was different this time, but this doctor said if I didn't treat the insulin resistance with low carb and exercise, I was never going to get better.  Better? Diabetics don't get better, they were lucky if they could delay or prevent complications, but early horrible death was inevitable. That was the message I always perceived. You hear what you need to when you're ready, I guess.  This video - also linked above - is what put me firmly on the LCHF wagon. (TED)

This time, my doctor said she wanted to work with me. I had 5 weeks before I went back to work after the semester ended to work on learning about a low carb lifestyle - not diet - it has to be a forever commitment.  I am nothing if not a good little patient, so I took my 268 pound self off to do what I do best - read, cook and find out what this was about.  Of course this was two weeks before Christmas, but not a cookie or a cake passed my lips.  I didn't want them because I felt better.  Additionally, my son came home for the holidays after starting a new job in NYC and had lost 54 lbs since June. He looked amazing.  He had worked with his new company's nutritionist and cut carbs, ate a bit more protein and since he walked everywhere, it worked for him.  He and his fiance` joined a climbing gym too and climb twice a week, in addition to all the walking. Oh, and he doesnt' eat after 7 p.m. until breakfast the next day. I'm happy for him - his A1c in June was 6.9%. He had it tested while he was home (AFTER Christmas) and it was 4.8%. He worked really hard and is now going into maintenance, which he realized means not going back to the old way of being, but being smart while adding a bit more fruit & protein to his pattern.

Fast forward to today - two months later and I have completely switched my view of fat.  I learned about the LCHF (also called a ketogenic) eating pattern that can really help T2 and obese people.  Fat phobia was my biggest hurdle in learning about this. 1984 girl keeps screaming NO NO NO! But as I learn it and practice it, I feel like I might be onto something.  I'm sharing resources that are helping me, but I can tell you it took over two months for ketosis to really kick in and start lowering my blood sugars. I didn't lose an ounce, but I felt SO much better, I didn't care.  My main worry was my glucose numbers - they were so high, despite keeping to 20-30g of carb a day (down from 240+g/day prior to my doctor's appt in Dec).

The other kick in the pants for me was that I ended up in the doc's office again in January because I thought I had some kind of infection (sinus, UTI, ???) because my numbers were in the 250+ range again. She did find something, so I started on an antibiotic, but the numbers were still too high.  She handed me the beginner kit and a box of Victoza - a third injectable for diabetes.  She said to bring them back to my nutritionist appt in 3 weeks and if things weren't better, I'd need to start on it.  I cried. The LAST thing I wanted was ANOTHER  diabetes injectable drug. I was determined to figure this out and get OFF medicine, not add more.

At long last, being an insulin dependent diabetic means I have things that are being proven to be a better standard of care - a LCHF ketogenic diet and intermittent fasting. Turns out I was on to something last year, I just didn't have the right amounts of carb, protein and fat to make sustainable changes or glucose improvement.  The missing piece for me turned out to be exercise.  I can't get around it. When I added it to my week (3x/week, 15 minutes of HIIT), my sugars dropped like a rock. Adding two half-fasts a week had them coming down even lower. I had to cut my insulin for the first time.

In the interim, I also researched stress and cortisol levels, acupuncture and traditional chinese medicine and have found that a combination of MORE SLEEP, more exercise & a well-planned keto LCHF eating pattern feels like it is working for me.  I used a keto macro calculator for guidance - there are several out there, all come out about the same for me.  Nowhere near the 2200 recommended last year, btw!!  But, eating this way, I am finally not hungry all the time. I have more energy, my sleep is better, my focus is clearer, I'm having fun cooking again and I don't have to count calories - just carb grams (up to 20g per DAY), protein grams (up to 88g/day) and fat to satiety.  The reason I count protein is because protein can make your glucose rise if you have too much.  I'm actually looking forward to seeing the nutritionist - I'm confident I will NOT be starting a 3rd injectable and will be discussing some of the obesogenic  prescriptions I'm on to see if we can't stop or change them.

Here are the things that are helping me:

Dr. Andreas Eenfeldt: www.dietdoctor.com

and the book "Low Carb, High Fat Food Revolution"

Dr. Tim Noakes: Real Meal Revolution - http://realmealrevolution.com/ (don't forget, they call it "Banting" in South Africa)

Dr. Sarah Hallberg: www.fitteru.us
TED Talk that changed my life: 
http://tedxtalks.ted.com/video/Reversing-Type-2-Diabetes-Start

Butter Bob Briggs: buttermakesyourpantsfalloff.com

also check out his You Tube videos-they're great!

Jimmy Moore's livinlavidalowcarb.com

"Keto Clarity" by Jimmy Moore & Eric Westman, MD.

"The Art & Science of Low Carbohydrate Living" by Jeff Volek & Stephen Phinney

Finally, the practice of mindfulness (you knew I was going to get there sometime!) has been HUGE in making this work for me.  Cooking all these wonderful recipes has made everything taste so good, it's a shame to rush through it, so I've slowed down, enjoy every bite and when I feel that whole body sigh of satisfaction & satiety, I stop eating.  I still struggle a bit leaving food on the plate - some habits die hard - but I feel so much better, I'm learning to take smaller portions and let go of the guilt - which reduces my cortisol, which lowers my insulin resistance, which lowers my blood glucose.....

It's all good.

Pax

more to share...

Have you noticed the growing presence of mindfulness, meditation and stress management in the mainstream media lately - over the past couple of years or so?  Some of them are more trustworthy than others and I believe you can try any kind you want without fear of divine retribution - Intention is everything.  Most of these bring peace of mind for a short time as well as, over time, in the long term. Research is showing that the health benefits of some kind of stillness/quiet practice has long term health benefits. It's also a great way to deepen and examine your connection with the Divine if you are so inclined. Enjoy a few for yourself below.  If you choose one thing to try every day until you find the one that helps you feel the calmest, you will have given yourself a great gift.

I believe part of my role in the universe is to share these resources and give people the best bits in a sea of choices. Now, I realize that means I'm making the selection of which ones someone may see, but ultimately, I am compiling the list for me and sharing it with you, so the original intent of my idea for this space is intact.

A review of my current favorite places/people/gurus for all things mindful are (in no particular order): Sharon Salzberg, Eizabeth Scott, Richard Rohr, and the Insight Timer app. 

In the past, I have also learned much from Sr. Joan Chittester, Vinita Wright Hampton, Mark Nepo and, yes, Oprah.  We find our sources of comfort in many places.  See the Resouces & Practices pages.

While Elizabeth Scott is a great source for stress management, I like her meditation stuff too, and since Sharon Salzberg has communicated that August is Lovingkindness meditation month, here is a link for beginners. Click here.

For a fun and relaxing way to manage your stress, take yourself to this article, then these pages to start working on some mandalas for stress relief. Don't get all caught up in doing it "right", just choose the colors you feel and play!

As the Frugal Gourmet used to say, "I bid you peace". 

Self Reflection Sunday

Oprah has Super Soul Sunday, many churches try to help people learn something about themselves and how they interact in the world and of course, there are oracle cards, psychics, name meanings, the internet (!) and a myriad of other ways to learn a little something about yourself too.  

After church on Sundays, I spend a little time playing with FB quizzes just for fun. Sometimes they lead to other sites and tools that I get sucked into and today's practice is one of them.  I actually have two for you, but first things first.

16 Personalities is the one I'm playing with today - it's basically a Meyers-Briggs analysis, but it's quick, it's online and it's easy to understand - three things I always appreciate so I don't have to expend too much brain power on a day of rest!  I asked my family to take it and let me know what they got, now that my kids are grown and launched, it will be interesting to learn about them as adults. I'm going to strongly hint that my son and his lovely fiance` take it as well - could help them a lot as they're starting out.  

Having a practice that helps you see where you are right now (present) in terms of personal growth can help you set your next goals to where you want to go in life, career, relationships, etc (progress).  I think many areas of our society have become so surface, sound byte & soulless, that we need to step off the crazy-wheel sometimes and spend some time contemplating our deeper selves.  I also think with all the surface emphasis on mindfulness, meditation and contemplation that's out there, many people may just be performing the motions instead of really doing the deep work. Don't let yourself be one of the surface surfers.

The second recommendation I have for you this week is one that our family learned about in church about 15+ years ago.  It may be familiar to you, but in case you haven't heard of it, it really changed how I related to my spouse and kids and to this day, I thank Fr. Bernie for introducing us to it. I don't know if my family even realized that's how I was communicating with them, but I would lay odds that's why we didn't have the drama, battles and arguments that plague many families - especially with teens. Either that or they're all passive-aggressive and really don't like me much. Somehow, I don't think that's it...

It is the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. This may be an oldie but a goodie, but revisiting it this week has been helpful for me to remember that not everyone thinks like I do (which I was reminded of in the 16 personalities test, so what goes around...).  The link will take you to quizzes for couples, singles, teens, kids and parents, so you're pretty much covered. Do it as a family - it brings up some interesting discussions.

 

That's the practice for this week, or for your Self-reflective Sunday if you decide to start one.

Pax always, HMWT 

Here's a bonus link that seemed to fit well with what I'm thinking about today, enjoy! Bonus: 11:11 

Transitions...... OR Change is the only constant!

I have believed for a long time that the reason I was so stuck in perfectionism for so many years was because I didn't understand the nature of change.  I wanted things to be ordered, perfect and the way they were "supposed" to be.  It took years of frustration, fighting and finally, infertility to get it through my head that nothing is constant and Jon Kabat-Zin's "You can't fight the waves, but you can learn to surf" was the mantra I needed to start to understand the grip stress had on my life. 

Flash forward a couple of decades and people who know me now are astonished when I share stories of the perfectionism, control issues and anger I have left behind.  I finally know that there is perfection in imperfection and that being grateful for things as they are without trying to change them allows them to bloom and grow forever (like eidelweiss). :)

SO, here we are, on May 20, 2015. Both of my kids are home from college, my son has finished his Master's at Purdue and has a job waiting for him in the Big Apple in a month.  Last night, he proposed to his girlfriend of 7 years and we are all pretty blissed out today.  Welcome to our family, dear one!

My daughter finished her freshman year 1000 miles away and drove herself and her roomate home over the weekend.  Talk about synchronicity - we have always taken our car in for a trip check, oil change, etc. before we travel.  She took that life lesson ingrained from infancy and took her truck in for a check.  It turned out that the u-joints and drive train needed to be replaced - they would not have made it home without a major accident. TYJ!  THEN, she had to wait a day for the part they ordered to come in. Guess what? They ordered the wrong part and the right one was going to come in the next (next) day. So they had to delay their departure by a day. A minor inconvenience, they were able to work out an extra night stay at the dorm and had a friend help them get their stuff to the storage unit that they now couldn't get to with the truck "sick". All good, right? WELL, thank the Lord, Universe, Force, Guardian Angels - whichever names you associate with our benevolent, merciful Creator - the day they were supposed to leave (Friday) ended up being a horrible weather day - tornadoes, violent thunderstorms, flooding - just awful. They would have had to drive through that and who knows what they would have encountered. They came home Sat/Sun instead, didn't have a drop of rain and made it home in good time.  What looked like a major inconvenience ended up being a blessing of protection and safety.

So for me, viewing these changes with a grateful heart and a calmer mind was another gift to see how far I've come in my journey. I stayed Present, Practiced detachment and breathing, and noted my Progress with gratitude for how far I've come. Baby steps have actually brought me a long way - I now view transitions as the part of life that keeps things interesting and allow them to draw me into mindful reflection of my many blessings. 

Practice for today: 
Take a moment to look out the window, ground yourself in the PRESENT moment. PRACTICE slowing down your breathing - Andrew Weil's In 4 - hold 7 - out 8 - (4 times) is always wonderful for calming and grounding. Notice the PROGRESS you are making learning to stop, breathe, think.  I have attached a great stoplight graphic that I use in my classes as a reminder that your P3 is always up to you to use whenever you need it.

Welcome, Scorpio Moon!

Well, today is May's Full Moon and what a gorgeous sight it is going to be - based on last night's view at any rate!  Hoping Mike Kaplan's forecast for showers is off base, though he usually isn't.  Don't forget to put your crystals in a place they can catch any moonbeams for cleansing and recharging!  Do it mindfully and in the Present so you can let them know you appreciate them.

I have a new Practice for this month. I'm going to take Liz Gilbert's idea of a happiness jar and modify it for myself. Each day, I'm going to write one wonderful blessing, healing prayer or acknowledgement of abundance on a sheet of paper and keep it in a jar - you will note that none of these will be regarding diet, exercise or body image!!  Then, on the Full Moon in June, also near my birthday, I will read each one, thank Spirit for my blessings and abundance and burn them with incense as an offering of gratitude and presence. I can't dwell on them if they are offered up, I have to keep going and so I'll start again for the next moon cycle.  As an endometrial cancer survivor, I was launched surgically into the Crone phase of my life, so I have to use external rituals for connecting with the feminine divine.  

I am inviting my goddess circle to do the same and bring their jars with them on June 2nd (next Full Moon) and so it should be quite a fire :)

The importance of ritual and transition and coming of ages is an important way to mark the milestones in our lives. My son is graduating and moving to start his new life as an adult. He and his girlfriend will be getting engaged soon after graduation, then he moves off to the big city to begin his life as an independent, happy, compassionate person - all I've ever wanted for him, so I will miss him like crazy, but know this is why we kiss the boo-boos, do the scout service projects and give them a safe, loving upbringing, so they can go out and do the same. I'm confident his guardian angels and spirits will guide and protect him always.

At an Akashic Record's group reading yesterday, I was told to create something that will help the students' I work with become more aware of their own ability to create, thrive and connect with others. I am taking a Shamanic Journeying class that is designed to bring ceremony and celebration to communities and healing wherever it is needed around the globe.  Once again, the threads of many things are coming together to weave my next step in the journey.  None of it would be possible with out the acknowledgement of nature, ritual, transition and connection, so that is my Progress for this month - to practice rituals of my own making and share them with others.

Create your own rituals and may you be filled with peace, light and blessings always. Pax.

Sometimes, there is NOT a reason...

I sit in grief as I write this. A close cousin in my family has passed away, suddenly and tragically, leaving behind a husband and 2 young sons.  What has caused me to reflect on this post is the number of people who say "Everything happens for a reason..."  

Well, no. It does not. Sometimes, things just happen. There is no rhyme or cosmic reason or lesson from God or pre-destined journey of the soul. Sometimes, a blood vessel bursts in your brain with no warning and you're gone, leaving people in shock and wondering WHY???? We won't ever know why because there is no why, there is only that it happened and we hurt.

Having lost a beloved brother several years ago, I actually can empathize with my cousin's siblings (also cousins, of course) and my mom can help her brother and sister-in-law navigate the haze of seemingly unending grief of losing a child. But trying to find an explanation for an unexplainable event only causes more pain because the fact there is no answer seems like a yawning chasm of hopelessness for the foreseeable future.  I weep for my cousin, her husband and kids, my aunt, uncle and cousins who are bereft of her amazing self. I pray they will receive comfort and be allowed to grieve their loss instead of dealing with people who are uncomfortable with tragic events and can only offer platitudes in place of genuine help.

Death happens, sometimes happily at the end of a long life well-lived, and sometimes tragically, for no reason at all. We are not good at death in this era. It has been sanitized and pushed under the rug so that we aren't sure how to process it when it touches our immediate circle. We could learn a lot from the cultures that understand that death is here to stay, so we should deal with the loss of our loved ones in an open and respectful way, not try to shut down the grieving family by telling them there is a reason for everything. Trust me, it's the least comforting thing you can say...

Life also continues as today we celebrate my eldest's birthday (24), and the joyful news of several friends expecting babies and the latest report that our strategies for success at work are actually working. So, in light of devastating grief, I can still be grateful for 3 things, and that will help frame the loss at a time when I can't begin to understand it.