more to share...

Have you noticed the growing presence of mindfulness, meditation and stress management in the mainstream media lately - over the past couple of years or so?  Some of them are more trustworthy than others and I believe you can try any kind you want without fear of divine retribution - Intention is everything.  Most of these bring peace of mind for a short time as well as, over time, in the long term. Research is showing that the health benefits of some kind of stillness/quiet practice has long term health benefits. It's also a great way to deepen and examine your connection with the Divine if you are so inclined. Enjoy a few for yourself below.  If you choose one thing to try every day until you find the one that helps you feel the calmest, you will have given yourself a great gift.

I believe part of my role in the universe is to share these resources and give people the best bits in a sea of choices. Now, I realize that means I'm making the selection of which ones someone may see, but ultimately, I am compiling the list for me and sharing it with you, so the original intent of my idea for this space is intact.

A review of my current favorite places/people/gurus for all things mindful are (in no particular order): Sharon Salzberg, Eizabeth Scott, Richard Rohr, and the Insight Timer app. 

In the past, I have also learned much from Sr. Joan Chittester, Vinita Wright Hampton, Mark Nepo and, yes, Oprah.  We find our sources of comfort in many places.  See the Resouces & Practices pages.

While Elizabeth Scott is a great source for stress management, I like her meditation stuff too, and since Sharon Salzberg has communicated that August is Lovingkindness meditation month, here is a link for beginners. Click here.

For a fun and relaxing way to manage your stress, take yourself to this article, then these pages to start working on some mandalas for stress relief. Don't get all caught up in doing it "right", just choose the colors you feel and play!

As the Frugal Gourmet used to say, "I bid you peace". 

Self Reflection Sunday

Oprah has Super Soul Sunday, many churches try to help people learn something about themselves and how they interact in the world and of course, there are oracle cards, psychics, name meanings, the internet (!) and a myriad of other ways to learn a little something about yourself too.  

After church on Sundays, I spend a little time playing with FB quizzes just for fun. Sometimes they lead to other sites and tools that I get sucked into and today's practice is one of them.  I actually have two for you, but first things first.

16 Personalities is the one I'm playing with today - it's basically a Meyers-Briggs analysis, but it's quick, it's online and it's easy to understand - three things I always appreciate so I don't have to expend too much brain power on a day of rest!  I asked my family to take it and let me know what they got, now that my kids are grown and launched, it will be interesting to learn about them as adults. I'm going to strongly hint that my son and his lovely fiance` take it as well - could help them a lot as they're starting out.  

Having a practice that helps you see where you are right now (present) in terms of personal growth can help you set your next goals to where you want to go in life, career, relationships, etc (progress).  I think many areas of our society have become so surface, sound byte & soulless, that we need to step off the crazy-wheel sometimes and spend some time contemplating our deeper selves.  I also think with all the surface emphasis on mindfulness, meditation and contemplation that's out there, many people may just be performing the motions instead of really doing the deep work. Don't let yourself be one of the surface surfers.

The second recommendation I have for you this week is one that our family learned about in church about 15+ years ago.  It may be familiar to you, but in case you haven't heard of it, it really changed how I related to my spouse and kids and to this day, I thank Fr. Bernie for introducing us to it. I don't know if my family even realized that's how I was communicating with them, but I would lay odds that's why we didn't have the drama, battles and arguments that plague many families - especially with teens. Either that or they're all passive-aggressive and really don't like me much. Somehow, I don't think that's it...

It is the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. This may be an oldie but a goodie, but revisiting it this week has been helpful for me to remember that not everyone thinks like I do (which I was reminded of in the 16 personalities test, so what goes around...).  The link will take you to quizzes for couples, singles, teens, kids and parents, so you're pretty much covered. Do it as a family - it brings up some interesting discussions.

 

That's the practice for this week, or for your Self-reflective Sunday if you decide to start one.

Pax always, HMWT 

Here's a bonus link that seemed to fit well with what I'm thinking about today, enjoy! Bonus: 11:11 

Transitions...... OR Change is the only constant!

I have believed for a long time that the reason I was so stuck in perfectionism for so many years was because I didn't understand the nature of change.  I wanted things to be ordered, perfect and the way they were "supposed" to be.  It took years of frustration, fighting and finally, infertility to get it through my head that nothing is constant and Jon Kabat-Zin's "You can't fight the waves, but you can learn to surf" was the mantra I needed to start to understand the grip stress had on my life. 

Flash forward a couple of decades and people who know me now are astonished when I share stories of the perfectionism, control issues and anger I have left behind.  I finally know that there is perfection in imperfection and that being grateful for things as they are without trying to change them allows them to bloom and grow forever (like eidelweiss). :)

SO, here we are, on May 20, 2015. Both of my kids are home from college, my son has finished his Master's at Purdue and has a job waiting for him in the Big Apple in a month.  Last night, he proposed to his girlfriend of 7 years and we are all pretty blissed out today.  Welcome to our family, dear one!

My daughter finished her freshman year 1000 miles away and drove herself and her roomate home over the weekend.  Talk about synchronicity - we have always taken our car in for a trip check, oil change, etc. before we travel.  She took that life lesson ingrained from infancy and took her truck in for a check.  It turned out that the u-joints and drive train needed to be replaced - they would not have made it home without a major accident. TYJ!  THEN, she had to wait a day for the part they ordered to come in. Guess what? They ordered the wrong part and the right one was going to come in the next (next) day. So they had to delay their departure by a day. A minor inconvenience, they were able to work out an extra night stay at the dorm and had a friend help them get their stuff to the storage unit that they now couldn't get to with the truck "sick". All good, right? WELL, thank the Lord, Universe, Force, Guardian Angels - whichever names you associate with our benevolent, merciful Creator - the day they were supposed to leave (Friday) ended up being a horrible weather day - tornadoes, violent thunderstorms, flooding - just awful. They would have had to drive through that and who knows what they would have encountered. They came home Sat/Sun instead, didn't have a drop of rain and made it home in good time.  What looked like a major inconvenience ended up being a blessing of protection and safety.

So for me, viewing these changes with a grateful heart and a calmer mind was another gift to see how far I've come in my journey. I stayed Present, Practiced detachment and breathing, and noted my Progress with gratitude for how far I've come. Baby steps have actually brought me a long way - I now view transitions as the part of life that keeps things interesting and allow them to draw me into mindful reflection of my many blessings. 

Practice for today: 
Take a moment to look out the window, ground yourself in the PRESENT moment. PRACTICE slowing down your breathing - Andrew Weil's In 4 - hold 7 - out 8 - (4 times) is always wonderful for calming and grounding. Notice the PROGRESS you are making learning to stop, breathe, think.  I have attached a great stoplight graphic that I use in my classes as a reminder that your P3 is always up to you to use whenever you need it.

Welcome, Scorpio Moon!

Well, today is May's Full Moon and what a gorgeous sight it is going to be - based on last night's view at any rate!  Hoping Mike Kaplan's forecast for showers is off base, though he usually isn't.  Don't forget to put your crystals in a place they can catch any moonbeams for cleansing and recharging!  Do it mindfully and in the Present so you can let them know you appreciate them.

I have a new Practice for this month. I'm going to take Liz Gilbert's idea of a happiness jar and modify it for myself. Each day, I'm going to write one wonderful blessing, healing prayer or acknowledgement of abundance on a sheet of paper and keep it in a jar - you will note that none of these will be regarding diet, exercise or body image!!  Then, on the Full Moon in June, also near my birthday, I will read each one, thank Spirit for my blessings and abundance and burn them with incense as an offering of gratitude and presence. I can't dwell on them if they are offered up, I have to keep going and so I'll start again for the next moon cycle.  As an endometrial cancer survivor, I was launched surgically into the Crone phase of my life, so I have to use external rituals for connecting with the feminine divine.  

I am inviting my goddess circle to do the same and bring their jars with them on June 2nd (next Full Moon) and so it should be quite a fire :)

The importance of ritual and transition and coming of ages is an important way to mark the milestones in our lives. My son is graduating and moving to start his new life as an adult. He and his girlfriend will be getting engaged soon after graduation, then he moves off to the big city to begin his life as an independent, happy, compassionate person - all I've ever wanted for him, so I will miss him like crazy, but know this is why we kiss the boo-boos, do the scout service projects and give them a safe, loving upbringing, so they can go out and do the same. I'm confident his guardian angels and spirits will guide and protect him always.

At an Akashic Record's group reading yesterday, I was told to create something that will help the students' I work with become more aware of their own ability to create, thrive and connect with others. I am taking a Shamanic Journeying class that is designed to bring ceremony and celebration to communities and healing wherever it is needed around the globe.  Once again, the threads of many things are coming together to weave my next step in the journey.  None of it would be possible with out the acknowledgement of nature, ritual, transition and connection, so that is my Progress for this month - to practice rituals of my own making and share them with others.

Create your own rituals and may you be filled with peace, light and blessings always. Pax.

Sometimes, there is NOT a reason...

I sit in grief as I write this. A close cousin in my family has passed away, suddenly and tragically, leaving behind a husband and 2 young sons.  What has caused me to reflect on this post is the number of people who say "Everything happens for a reason..."  

Well, no. It does not. Sometimes, things just happen. There is no rhyme or cosmic reason or lesson from God or pre-destined journey of the soul. Sometimes, a blood vessel bursts in your brain with no warning and you're gone, leaving people in shock and wondering WHY???? We won't ever know why because there is no why, there is only that it happened and we hurt.

Having lost a beloved brother several years ago, I actually can empathize with my cousin's siblings (also cousins, of course) and my mom can help her brother and sister-in-law navigate the haze of seemingly unending grief of losing a child. But trying to find an explanation for an unexplainable event only causes more pain because the fact there is no answer seems like a yawning chasm of hopelessness for the foreseeable future.  I weep for my cousin, her husband and kids, my aunt, uncle and cousins who are bereft of her amazing self. I pray they will receive comfort and be allowed to grieve their loss instead of dealing with people who are uncomfortable with tragic events and can only offer platitudes in place of genuine help.

Death happens, sometimes happily at the end of a long life well-lived, and sometimes tragically, for no reason at all. We are not good at death in this era. It has been sanitized and pushed under the rug so that we aren't sure how to process it when it touches our immediate circle. We could learn a lot from the cultures that understand that death is here to stay, so we should deal with the loss of our loved ones in an open and respectful way, not try to shut down the grieving family by telling them there is a reason for everything. Trust me, it's the least comforting thing you can say...

Life also continues as today we celebrate my eldest's birthday (24), and the joyful news of several friends expecting babies and the latest report that our strategies for success at work are actually working. So, in light of devastating grief, I can still be grateful for 3 things, and that will help frame the loss at a time when I can't begin to understand it.

Today, I am grateful because.... IT"S OVER 32°!!!

Today (and yesterday) the temps here in the frigid Midwest finally made it above 32°.  It feels like flying, like being let out of jail, passing go and collecting $200!!  In October, 45° felt like a sub-Arctic experience. Today, it feels like shorts & flip-flops ;)  

Which goes to show, perspective is a beautiful thing when we are mindful of it.  Today, I am grateful for 45°,  October - not so much!  This is why gratitude is such a grounding, mindful practice. Shifting your frame of reference even just a micro-degree can give you a whole new way of looking at a thought, situation or feeling.  I'm not an advocate for a Pollyanna worldview. I am, however, an advocate for finding the lesson in the inevitable negativity that plagues us in a fear-based media and political system.  We can overcome them - by mindfully asking ourselves to get in touch with what's really going on, examining it and then releasing it.  Since things only last for a fleeting moment, having the perspective that things are temporary (if not illusory) can keep you centered, grounded and present.

SO, for today's PRACTICE, I ask you to look outside the closest window (even if you have to get up to go find one), look at the first thing you see and express gratitude and thanks toward it. (GRATITUDE is a feeling you have, THANKS is expressing that gratitude to yourself, the people and things in your life or your view of the moment. So, for all my beloved grammar geeks, gratitude is a noun & thanks is a verb).  Breathe in as you scan the landscape seeing all the amazing things we sometimes don't pay attention to - one leaf still clinging to the maple tree, a patch of grass peeking through the snow, a robin - OMGosh, A ROBIN!!! If you live in the Midwest or the Northeast, I have a feeling being grateful for the springtime will take on new dimensions this year - and for that we can be grateful for a long, cold, snowy winter! That's PROGRESS people & it's happening NOW.

No, NO, 1000 times NO!!!

This week, the word NO has been making its way into my conciousness in so many places.  

Can you say NO??? For so many years, I couldn't. I was wracked with guilt that someone might not like me or I would look lazy or uncommitted.  Like so many women, my worthiness was tied to my busy-ness and what a mistake that was! In seeking to do more and prove something, I actually did less and did it less well. And boy, did I have a self-righteous chip on my shoulder.  So much unnecessary drama, so much unnecessary hurt and bitterness and anger. I got so tired of walking around that way.  Whether you love her or hate her, Oprah Winfrey contributed greatly to my journey of person/self-hood.  Her introduction to Sarah Ban Breathnach's Simple Abundance changed my life, my perspective and my attitude. 

We never know what's going to happen to us from moment to moment, so constantly counting your blessings, stopping to breathe and reframe your response, and learning to say NO are three of the most important skills I learned to use to become a calmer, happier person.  It's not OK to constantly feel guilty, resentful and bitter. It hurts your health, it hurts your relationships, it hurts your bottom line. When I started saying no, it gave others a chance to say yes - then the work got spread around, other ideas (better than mine) were allowed in and projects/family/life got less difficult and more enjoyable. 

NO is a blessing - it is about setting healthy boundaries, taking care of yourself and giving others the opportunity to contribute. Let them give their gifts too, you'll have more satisfying, deeper relationships and perspectives as a result.

If you don't enjoy your life right now, look at your commitments. Cut them in half. Watch your life unfold into everything you want it to be. It is not your responsibility to keep your Messiah Complex going. It IS your responsibility to forgive yourself, take care of yourself and watch the opportunities you receive bloom into the ones you want to grow.  

We always have choices - see the PRACTICES page for information about choice points and how they impact the everyday. Remember, in an infinite universe, there is room for everyone - competition is an unnecessary component in a healthy life. Let go and say NO!!

Stress as a virtue...

I had an entire post written about this, but did a classic goof-up.  I didn't save before I previewed, went back to make some changes and lost the whole thing.  This is one post that wasn't meant to be. I'll accept that and move on. Have a great week.

Tempus fugit!! Super Soul Sunday with Oprah...

My gosh, how time flies. I need to take my own advice and slow down a bit. Work, holidays & family visiting went by so fast, my poor little blog was bereft of my attention.

But, here we are again, excited to share the news that Fr. Richard Rohr was on Oprah's Super Soul Sunday today. What a gift! If you have a chance to catch it, it's worth the time to find out that what you have always suspected is true, was actually Source revealing how things are all along.

Quick practice for today: 
Stop. Breathe in deeply - no, deeper than that, fill yourself all the way to your toes!
Close your eyes and breathe out s-l-o-w-l-y while repeating "relax".
Smile as you count to 20. Repeat twice.

I guarantee you'll feel a million times better in about one minute.  Back soon, love and peace to the world.